What do you want? The question that often stirs within my spirit as I journal. I feel the disappointment arise and say to The Spirit “I don’t want to tell You because it feels selfish. Also, what if it doesn’t happen.” I feel sadness and hope coincide. Some days, I choose sadness and I close my journal shut. Other days, I lean into the arising hope and start dreaming.
What would happen if I were to ask you to journal your “ideal life.” The way you hope to look five years from now, the way you hope to feel, the way you hope for your days to go. Can you see your ideal life? Notice what goes on for you when I dare you to dream. Notice what arises within your heart. Is it disappointment, heartache, or disbelief? It can hurt to dream. And what if? Hurt and hope can coincide.
I can dare to dream and also hold the hurt in the other hand. When I dream, I often speak to the hurt and say “I hear you disappointment, you are not unreal or wrong and at this time, I am going to let my heart’s ideal life arise.” Your disappointment can be there, you can lean into it, get curious about what it is saying- but don’t let it win.
When you write your dreams and thoughts come into your mind like “how can I make this happen?” or, “I don’t have the resources for this, this will never happen,” and am I being selfish?” jot them down on the journal page opened next to you and then lean into the hope once again.
This type of dreaming is for your heart. For your heart to notice where you have faith, where you have lost heart, to notice where you are awakened to desire, and where you have leaned into despair. John Eldredge writes:
“One of the most poisonous of all Satan’s whispers is simply, “Things will never change.” That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present. To keep desire alive and flourishing, we must renew our vision for what lies ahead. Things will not always be like this. Jesus has promised to “make all things new.” Eye has not seen, ear has not heard all that God has in store for his lovers, which does not mean “we have no clue so don’t even try to imagine,” but rather, you cannot outdream God. Desire is kept alive by imagination, the antidote to resignation. We will need imagination, which is to say, we will need hope” (The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God).
We need imagination and to awaken to our child-like hearts. To come before Jesus, The Spirit, and Father and say “these are my dreams, do what you like with them and get the glory for how You respond to them.” Not demanding, or the prosperity gospel of transactional love saying “if I do this, then you will do that?” But an awakening to imagination and wonder of what could be.
How are your heart’s dreams? Are they locked away in a treasure box? Are they trapped behind a wooden door? Is your heart shut down? As a good, generous Father- I can guess He wants to hear your dreams as His child. He wants to hold you- whether that be with tears or with dancing and play- however your heart may come to Him. I am sure He wants to respond.
I am a dreamer at heart. I believe a lot of our dreams are meant to come true. I also believe in heartache; and within that heartache and disappointment there is a choice to soften to hope.
One of my favorite movies is…The Notebook. And two scenes in particular remind me of what it might be like when we meet God in Heaven.
In the scene listed below, Noah shows Allie a house that is worn down, decrepit, and needs a lot of work.
Allie then starts to share her dream house with him, and says:
Allie: I want a white house with blue shutters and a room overlooking the river so I can paint.
Noah: Anything else?
Allie: Yes! I want a big ole porch wrapped around the whole house. We can drink tea and watch the sun go down.
Noah: Ok.
Allie: You promise?
Noah: Uh huh. Promise.
Allie: Good!
Years go by, and both Noah and Allie are with someone else. But Noah did not forget what she hoped for, and Noah built the house for Allie. Promise fulfilled.
While some of our dreams may not come true on this side of the Kingdom, my heart believes that Jesus, The Father, and Spirit hears them. I have a feeling that our written dreams are something God hears and wants to fulfill. Did you grow up being allowed to dream and want? I see Jesus and the Father laughing with delight as we tell them exactly what we want. I envision the banquet table as The Lord of the Ring’s parties. Endless wine, dancing, and sharing of our adventures around a banquet table. It’s not selfish to dream; it's an invitation to hold loosely and also with hope your child-like faith and wonder.
So, what do you want? What if God designed your heart to want those things? What if your child-like desires will be fulfilled (some on this side of Heaven, and others here on earth)?
May you go in courage. Courage to be child-like. To awaken to hope, defeat the disappointment, and walk (or run, whichever you desire) towards the Father, with your journal outstretched and your child-like eyes saying “here you go.” May you find that courage to dream again.
Songs: Dream On: Ben Rector, HOPE: NF, A Million Dreams: The Greatest Showman, & Take Me Back: Maverick City
Dreams that I hope to be Fulfilled: Here or in the Kingdom to Come
Own a horse, and ride it fast and freely through fields.
Learn how to dance contemporary.
Cuddle lions.
Own an old LandRover/Defender.
Own a forerunner.
Go on Safari.
Take a month off of work and take a trip somewhere in Europe.
Learn to surf again.
Spend time with a gorilla.
Take a snowboarding trip.
Live on land.
Write a book.
Learn to paint.
Laugh freely, and a lot.
Have a hand-carved, barn-style dinner table.