| Freedom in Delight

I enjoy drinking wine and lingering at the dinner table with good conversation and friends. One of my favorite styles to dress is yoga pants and a baseball hat. I feel alive when I have a baseball hat on backward and am on a hike. I also enjoy driving with a knee up, good music, and soaking in the sunshine. I love tattoos - the meaning behind them, and how they can become a conversation starter. I enjoy whiskey bars and a good cocktail. I love the smell of cigars and sitting around a bonfire. I love stand-up comedy.  I enjoy watching the UFC and hearing the backstories of the fighters. One of my favorite genres of books is romantic comedy. I put my elbows on most tables. I like some rap music that has honest lyrics, folk and country music, and raw indie artists who tell a story - and about seven years ago, I felt incredibly guilty for most of this and when invited into this- I could not embrace the joy that these moments brought.

I’ve been sitting on this blog for the past three weeks, nervous about how it would be perceived. The words flowed too easily that I had thoughts like “What if this is my flesh speaking” for it can sometimes be scary to reveal things that I enjoy - especially when it feels opposite to religion. Religion taught me growing up to “not give in to the flesh,” which I construed as a “do” and “don’t” list of what was appropriate to enjoy. I also believed my heart would go astray if I enjoyed “worldly things.”

Now, did God protect my heart from a lot in high school and college years through this mindset - yes; and at the same time, my heart felt caged in. When I would enjoy a cocktail or a standup comedy bit, my internal dialogue was “Just don’t get drunk,” or “Should you really be laughing at this? Maybe you should go and spend some time journaling and praying with God.” I was scared. Scared that if I enjoyed these things it meant my heart was bad or fell into the “worldly things of life.” A few years ago, I began to lean into the Truth that The Father, Spirit, and Jesus are with me always. In my breath, in my sorrow, in my laughter. I started to wonder- what if God found delight in me and smiled when I discovered things I enjoyed on earth?

I have a heart for the girl I was. She met with God daily and wanted to be in His will. She was modest, felt emotions deeply, and wanted to become a woman of God; part of her believed the way to become that was to “be serious, limit a lot of noise, and become introspective.” Part of this served me. I learned how to enter prayer and contemplation. I learned how to journal and remain in that space for a while; I now believe however that God invites my heart into a space of solitude and contemplation and into adventure, laughter, and freedom. I believe God enjoys both.

I have come to believe that God enjoys when a conversation with friends lingers over good food and wine. A lot of manners like “no elbows on the table” or “no putting your feet up at the dinner table” came from medieval times and originated from England. I have come to believe that God can be laughing in the passenger seat with the windows down basking in the sunshine. He is in dancing, in surfing at sunrise. He is in my breath as I exercise and stretch. He is with us as we have deep conversations around a bonfire.

Jesus reclined at the table and most often the guests were serving wine. He was with the fishermen, He was there around the bonfire, He was dancing at weddings. The Father is not stoic. He is Life, and Life Abundantly. In this life, will we have sorrow? Yes. But can He also turn us into Friends and our mourning into dancing? With Abundance!

So, go in courage.

Courage to laugh, to linger over good food and wine with friends. To lean back in the sunshine. To dance. To hit play on that song that’s a banger. To engage in that hobby that speaks to your heart. He knows there will be sorrow on this earth - that’s a guarantee; and He also knows that because of the sorrow, it will require for you to battle that sorrow with Him and the things that bring your heart abundant, everlasting joy.

Songs: Where I Find God: Larry Fleet, Change: NF, & Voice of God: Maverick City